The Beck Family: Depression

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Depression

To many of you who have contacted me and I haven't responded (so many of you, thank you) I'm sorry, I just want to say I am really struggling. It's not an excuse. I am just willing to get it out in the open that I'm dealing with depression and it's hard. I don't know how to deal with it and I'm scared. Just wanted to let so many of you know why I don't answer my phone/emails and have flaked so much. There is no reason for this depression but it doesn't change how real it is.

My life is sort of falling apart because I feel so down and lost.

My mom is coming out to stay with me to help me out.

I am going to visit a doctor in September.

Hopefully, I'll be back to myself in the near future, please bare with me.

Thanks for your support. I probably wont respond, I'm just not real up for talking. Wow, this is so unlike me to get this out in the open. But I think I might as well give the people I love the truth. And I hate hurting my dearest friends by not being there for them (please please forgive me).

16 comments:

MaryAugust 24, 2010 at 4:21 PM
Oh Julie, this is not like you at all and so I can imagine how much you must be struggling with it. I have struggled with depression and anxiety on and off, mostly when my life is going through big change (new baby, new house, etc.). So while I won't go as far to say "I know how you feel" I will say that I can relate in some small way to what you might be dealing with.

One thing I have learned through my struggles is that no matter how low it gets for you, your Heavenly Father is always there. If you continue to have faith, as I know you do, He will bless you. He will guide you to the right doctors who will figure out what's going on and be able to help you, and He will comfort you along the way.

I know we haven't seen each other since our wonderful church history trip, but I am only a few cities away and am happy to help if you ever need anything. Oh, and I should also say for my mom that she loves you and treasures the time you two spent together on the trip. She really bonded with you and thinks the world of you. I know she would want me to tell you that.
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maryAugust 24, 2010 at 7:08 PM
Julie, you are entitled to a little bit of "down time" now and then... I think you are tops. I'll be praying for you.
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maryAugust 24, 2010 at 7:09 PM
I think my last comment sounds crazy. What I mean to say is -- you are such an upbeat person by nature, and I am sure you will be back to normal soon!!! Best wishes.
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Kris and MeganAugust 24, 2010 at 8:06 PM
Julie you are in my prayers! I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling and feeling down. Just remember it's not your fault and there's nothing to be ashamed of in admitting it and going to get help. I think you're so brave and hope the best for you!! All your readers love you!!
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Darin and KaliAugust 24, 2010 at 8:23 PM
Julie,
I know you already know I'm struggling with the same thing, having no reason to be down but being down. Its awful! I really hope you start feeling better soon! I'll be praying for you!
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BethanyAugust 25, 2010 at 6:27 AM
Oh Julie, I am so sorry to hear this, that is so so hard. I wish I could see you right now and give you a great big hug. You are the sweetest. I hope your spirits are lifted soon.

(I was a little surprised too, since you are the most amazing person, but it's just a good reminder that one should never be quick to judge, even those whom you think are doing fine. Thank you for that.)

Lots of love.
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JamieAugust 25, 2010 at 8:39 AM
Julie,

I've never met you, but I stumbled upon your blog through a mutual friend. I am so sorry that you are dealing with depression. As someone who has watched my mother struggle with it for years, I know how heartbreaking it can be. Keep marching on and know that our God is watching over you and even if it seems that he has left, he is still there. I'll be praying for you.

Jamie Evans
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BrieAnnAugust 25, 2010 at 9:40 AM
Julie,
I'm sor sorry. I had no idea! You seemed so up beat and happy the last time I saw you. I know you said you might not feel like calling people, but know I am always here. Give me a call anytime and if you need anything I'm right here, let me help in anyway I can. Your such an amazing friend always coming to the aid of everybody else, and I'm so happy that I get to call you my friend. Know that you have many many people who love and care about you.
Lots of Love!
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Nathan and Whitney TannerAugust 25, 2010 at 1:05 PM
I love you Julie!!
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RachelAugust 26, 2010 at 9:17 AM
Julie, I don't know you but I feel like I do from reading your blog and I look up to you so much! You are such a great example and everyone has hard times in life when they aren't feeling like themselves. Hang in there! You are so great and you'll come out on the other side eventually, there is nothing wrong with taking time out for yourself. I'll be praying for you and I can"t wait until your back to blogging on your inspiring blog!
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Cameron and KatieAugust 26, 2010 at 9:54 AM
Truly, the more time I spend as a grown up woman, the more convinced I am that depression and anxiety are the plague to women of our generation. You are at least in good company, this is a struggle that the best of us are in.
September is a long time to wait. Maybe talk to your bishop about getting an appointment with LDS social services ASAP??? I know it can be hard to think clearly when you feel like you are in a "fog."
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AnonymousAugust 27, 2010 at 11:51 AM
Julie,
Hey girlfriend. Just wanted to say hi and let you know I was thinking about you. Depression is such a real and hard thing. I struggle/d with it severely after I had Bentley. I am expecting again in January and the aftermath of pregnancy scares me so much. I am here for you if you ever need anything at all!
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Critchfield famAugust 29, 2010 at 8:46 PM
Just wanted to write and say I LOVE YOU!! You are truely a life long best friend!! I wish I was there to cheer you up or watch your kids or make you cookies!! Cookies always make me happy :) Your blog is the 1st I always read b/c you are such an inspirational mother and person. I'll pray you get the help you need!! Love you tons turkey buns!! Call anytime!
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Matt & CorrineAugust 30, 2010 at 12:51 PM
I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. It must be very difficult. You are such an optimist that I'm sure it's been very confusing and frustrating to feel so low. I'm so glad your mom will be around and I hope the dr.'s can help you effectively and quickly! You are such a great example of a wonderful mother and wife. We wish you the best. We're back in the state now and would love to get together in the next few months if you feel up to it. I'm sure the little girls would love to play together - and maybe even the boys! It'd be great to see you!
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Caleb, Shannyn, and Clark WeilerAugust 30, 2010 at 4:12 PM
You are so brave to be open. It is very easy to feel ashamed of being depressed. A few years ago I went through a short (thank goodness) episode of depression. In those months I would read Elder Worthlin's talk titled "Sunday will come". In my worst moments I just kept telling myself that Sunday would come. It is very hard to be a mom and feel down. Everyone depends upon you and it can feel very overwhelming. I am sure that you will pull through. One day at a time it will get better. Good Luck. We love you
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The McCarthy FamilyAugust 31, 2010 at 3:03 PM
My dear sister, you are an inspiration. Even in your struggles you are an inspiration to many. I loved the comments and all the love that is shared, by so many, for you!!! You are a wonderful wonderful person. I believe whatever your cross is bear we all wonder why us? Just from reading all the comments you can see your not alone and things will get better. Our Heavenly Father is PRESENT Julie and he has not forsaken you. Stay strong and know you will survive this. We are all praying for you and thank goodness for professionals, faith, family and friends...
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What did they say?

Reagan I love dancing with you, I love singing with you, I love shopping with you, I love cooking with you, on and on and on...."

R: "YEAH!! And I like waking up in the middle of the night to be with you!"

Ya! just what I was about to say, LOL!

Reagan brought me for show and tell one day at preschool. I came in and quietly found a chair. I look over to Reagan who was laughing and laughing! Later I asked her what on earth was so funny. To which she replied with the biggest smile,

"You were sitting in the TIME-OUT chair, Mom!" bahwaawaha!

Each day kids come to preschool they put their show and tell (if it's their day) on the "Show and Tell" shelf. (tiny little shelf)

In inviting Dad to show and tell Reagan said, "Dad, you can come to show and tell. And you can sit on the shelf!" hahahah

"And then my teacher will say, 'Hey, you're going to break that!!' Cause you're so Big, dad." HAHAHAHAHA

November 29, 2011

After searching high and low for Will's wallet, Will told Reagan, "Thanks for looking for me!"

Reagan explained, "I wasn't looking for you," (duh dad), "I was looking for your wallet."

Will thoroughly enjoys his new iPhone 4S. Personally, Siri really freaks me out. But anyway, Will now avoids the painstaking effort of actually writing out any tweets, texts (excuse me, imessages), or status updates. Rather, he carefully and calmly dictates each word into his phone.

Reagan turned to me with an expression I thought only possible from a teenager and asked, "Why is dad talking that like?"

She now asks questions like, "What's a comma?"

Um, QUESTION MARK!!!

As a parent you soon realize that seemingly easy to answer are actually quite difficult to explain, period.

November 10, 2011

While watching Aunt Cassandra do a magic trick, Reagan exclaimed, "It disappeared to Heavenly Father!"

October 2011

I don't like walking, it takes all my power.

Playing a guessing game together, I asked Reagan in search for what she was thinking of, "Is it in a package?"

"Um... only in peels."

It was a sweet potato, lol.

Ryan, at Will's work, was admiring McKinley's round head. Correctly Reagan inserted, "It's not round, it's oval."

Asking Reagan how she knew something particularly impressive (that Willl's name started with W), she responded, "I just think about it."

When Reagan placed McKinley on her stomach I asked her why she was doing that. "The Dr said." (tummy time) Wow, that girl listens to everything, I didn't even know she was paying attention at McKinley's 2 week apt.

Will has been putting the kids to bed a ton since McKinley arrival. One night Reagan frustratedly asked Will, "Why are you putting me to bed so much?"

September 18, 2011

When I hear Reagan laughing hysterically, I know she is doing something wrong, there is a certain laugh...
During bath time I hear this crazy laugh and know they're up to something. I run into the bathroom to find Lincoln putting his hand over the tub faucet causing water to spray everywhere! Yet, being the kids they continue to do it. When I get mad they start laughing! They have started laughing together at me when I get mad! As mad as I am, this tends to brings me back to my senses (a little bit) as I find it so funny that together they think it's funny their mom is losing it.

Contention over toys has been driving me nuts! Lincoln always wants what Reagan has and she delights in knowing she has something he wants. Since Lincoln's quite strong, Reagan's only defense is bolting into a room and slamming the door behind her, since Lincoln has yet to master the art of opening doors.

It was one of those battles. Lincoln wanted the sunglasses Reagan was playing with. There were two pairs but he wanted those ones. I told Reagan to give Lincoln those because they were boy ones. Immediately, "Oh, these are boys, oh here you go." lol Wish I could solve it that easy every time!

September 12, 2011

Annoyed with the fly buzzing around her during lunch, Reagan let out in exasperation, "Get this bee out of my house!"

Trying to place how things work, Reagan randomly asked Will and I at dinner with a wrinkled forehead, "Did you put glue in my teeth?" Our laughing answered her question. "Then how do they stay in?!?"

Family Home Evening is something we try hold every Monday night. To call everyone to family home evening we have continued a tradition Will did when he was a boy. We really "call" everyone.

With your hand held to your ear in the shape of a phone we loudly sing out, "Ring, ring, ring!!! Hello Reagan, do you want to come to family home evening?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay see you there!"

Then she'll call someone until we're all gathered.

Because of this tradition she now calls Family Home Evening, "Family Home Ring-ring-ring," lol.

Reagan loves to plan and anticipate things. I always tell her what we're doing that day or that week so we can talk and look forward to it.

Will volunteers for the MS Society and gets to hand out lemonade at the local Macey's Grocery store for awareness and donations a few times a year. The morning of, she cutely calls from the window as Will is loading in the car, "I know you’re going to take me to the lemonade stand tonight, I kno-ow."

Her favorite number: 80. Uses it for everything. To her it is the symbol of A LOT!

When Will's leaving for work, "Honk 80 times, kay dad?"

September 4, 2011

Driving home we passed a neighbor's house where Reagan saw her friend Porter standing on top of his dad's car. Reagan excitedly said, "I LOVE him doing that!"

When we got home she wanted to give it a try. I hefted her on top of the car and as she stood up she bonked her head on the garage door overhead. That was then end of that :)

August 31, 2011

Running to Linc with a band-aid, she calls out, "To the rescue!"

"Kay, Dad you go really, really slow so I can race you!"

Her words: Fume (perfume), Puter (computer)

On the phone with dad, "Whattcha doing at work, dad? Making 5 money, 5 dollars?"

"Well we hope more than that, Reagan."

Before going to the store Reagan always requests knowing what is on my list. She has me go incredibly slow as she pretends to write out the items on her notepad. "Kay, what else, uh-huh, uh-huh."

At the store if I put anything in the cart that I didn't tell her at home she'll say, "Hey that wasn't on our list!"

August 17, 2011

While paused riding a toy truck, she looks at me to explain, "I'm stuck in traffic."

Reminiscing about a long ago date her daddy had taken her on, Reagan reminded me it had taken place, "While you skateboarding with your aunt."

Um, that would be snowboarding with my friend Anne.

I actually remember her telling me that morning to have fun with my Aunt, lol.

July 26, 2011

At the library, Reagan had pushed the elevator button before I was quite ready to leave. When the doors burst open she shouted loud enough for everyone to hear, "Hurry! We'll miss our flight!"

Pretty much starts every sentence with, "I was wondering...."

July 21, 2011

I over heard Reagan tell a girl at the pool that she was 49. Then she followed up with, "Actually, I'm 80."

When people would say no "potty" talk, they weren't a kidding. Kids LOVE to talk "potty." I tell Reagan that saying poop and pee outside the bathroom is crude talk. So the other day she comes up to me and says, "Poop’s not nice but poop is funny, you know those two sings (things) mom? Poop’s not nice, but it's funny. You know that mom?"

Frustrated with her boyish sense of humor I reply, "No it's not funny, Reagan."

"Oh, like when you splash it in them eyes." (meaning she finds it hilarious when people get water splashed in their face) Okay, where did she get this MEAN sense of humor, oh wait I got it, Will!

We love to sing primary songs around here. Trying to have a teaching moment, I started to tell Reagan what a word meant. "No, don’t talk about it, just sing it!" Okay then, maybe not.

Riding her bike on the road while I was pushing Lincoln in the stroller on the side walk Reagan told me, "I'm taking the Highway."

Running in true fear out of the street when the garbage truck was coming Reagan exclaimed, "I thought he was going to trash me!"

I hear this ALL the time, "You can’t tell me, because I was already going to do that!" Guess I need to tone down the obvious orders such as, "kay, get your shoes on," "alright, get out of the car."

Seeing Will the morning he shaved off his beard Reagan in awe asked, "How did you take that off?"

"Take what off?"

"The hair on your cheeks. Like when I’s a baby." (Will hasn't been clean shaven since Reagan was really little, guess she remembers her baby pictures when he was clean shaven, she is so dang smart)

In a shocked voice, "Want to see what I still have!!!!" Opening her mouth wide, "Teef!" As if I thought they'd all be gone. Guess she has been hearing about kids losing their teeth lately.

July 2, 2011

With a sour face, Reagan said, "I don't like the little tiny juice hairs."

Laughing, "It's called pulp, Reagan."

June 7, 2011

After asking Reagan to pick something up she replied, "I can't my arms are full of hands." (I guess she's heard me use the expression my hands are full, and couldn't quite remember it exactly)

To the dog, "Stop woofing."

May 15, 2011

Bursting happily into our room at the first evidence of light, "MORNING TIME!!!"

April 15, 2011

me: stop kicking Lincoln!

R: I'm not kicking him, I'm petting him with my feet.

I was in tears by the end of the afternoon after a particularly hard day. Will came home that evening with a bouquet of flowers in his arm. Reagan exclaimed, "OHhhhh, that's why you were crying, cause you wanted flowers!" in a "of course" sort of tone.:)

Reagan says all the time a phase like this, "You don't want to blank, do ya Mom?"

Will was leaving for an assignment of cleaning the church. It was time for bed but Will and I quickly had a conversation as to whether or not Reagan would like to go. Over hearing, she persuasively chimed in, "Cause you don't want to clean the church by yourself? Oh, okay, I'll come with you."

March 15, 2011

Costco is loaded with goodies that I don't usually buy because they are expensive but that Will will occasionally treat the kids to. One of which is dried mangoes. On our way to Costco Reagan told me, "You call daddy and he'll say, 'I want to buy mangoes for Reagan.' and you'll say, 'Oh, how nice of him!' "

March 7, 2011

Reagan can do every item of my getting ready routine. She loves to put eye make-up remover on a cotton ball and rub it all over her eyes. She knows where every piece of make-up goes and can effectively apply it on herself! The other day I over heard her giving Lincoln a tutorial in the bathroom. She had Dove in one hand and Old Spice in the other. "This is for girls and this one is for boys." Then lifting up Lincoln's arm she knowingly said, "Put this on cause your elbows get stinky."

I was wearing a shirt that had a tie belt with it. When I took off the belt that evening Reagan said, "Oh no! Your tail fell off!"

February 26, 2011

Reagan was called upon to say the opening prayer in primary. A parent is supposed to accompany them but not having checked my phone messages we sent Reagan to primary alone, as usual. She reported after church that she had, "said the prayer!!!!!!" Woohoo, go Reagan.

We found out the next week at church that Reagan's prayer was like 5 minutes long! lol. I'm sure the kids in the junior primary loved that!

Reagan says the funniest things in her prayers. But I love it because I know she is thinking about them. She'll say things like, "Thank you for our beautiful neighborhood," and many other random but good things. But what gave me a kick last night was a word she attempted using that she heard in one of her favorite songs, "help us to do our dutiness." (this is our sacred duty).

February 22, 2011

"Reagan can I have my phone?"

R: "Hang on, I'm texting." !!!

When I's a baby (Reagan loves talking about when she was a baby, and does a really good job distinguishing between when she was a baby or a "little girl") Daddy like marshmallow (Carmelo), now Daddy not like shmallow.

Yeah, we put shmallow in the trash.

January 21, 2011

Reagan walked up the stairs, after being down there for about 10 minutes, and asked, "How have you been?"

January 18, 2011

Looking at a picture of Jesus, I explained that Jesus suffered for us and it hurt so bad he was bleeding all over. Reagan thoughtfully said, "When Jesus comes to our house, I give Jesus band aids." :)

I know that Reagan hears what I tell her because I hear her say things to Lincoln like, "You don't always get what you want, Lincoln. You can't cry about it. If you cry, I not going to let you do it next time." And she looks up at me with a twinkle in her eye as if to say, "I'm saying the right things, huh!" If only she could internalize it.

January 12, 2011

Every morning Reagan, Lincoln, and I stand at the window, and wave to dad as Reagan yells, "Honk your horn! Honk your horn, daddy!"

I like to send Will to work with a snack bag. Reagan has taken over this responsibility. She loves preparing his fruit, and bag of carrots, granola bar, yogurt or anything else she can think of. This morning, after kissing her daddy goodbye, she started walking away with the bag still over her shoulder. Will asked, "Reagan, can I have my snacks?" Laughing she responded, "Oh! I thought I was going to work, Dad!" And still laughing handed the snack to dad :)

Reagan is quite the little negotiator. She uses my own tactics against me! I'm telling you she's too smart for me. She'll give me choices like, "Can I have chocolate chips or frosting? Which one, Mom. which one?" ! Or what drives me up the wall is when she gives me ultimatums like "I’m not going to [blank] until you [blank] "!!! Another stratagem is if I say one, she'll say two, or always top my number. I'll be like, "Okay Reagan, you can watch one Dora." She'll respond, "Kay, I'll watch 2 Dora’s and 2 Barney’s, kay? Does that sound like a good idea?"

November 15, 2010

Reagan hasn't quite figured out the word "for." She says things like, "This is a coat you," "I make cookies you."

While examining a box of instant oatmeal at the grocery store Reagan states, "It says, 'Yes, I like it. It's really yummy you. It has sugar in it." Then places it in our cart!

October 25, 2010

Reagan now recognizes what a teaser she is. She often says, "I'm just teasing!" or "I'm just kidding you!"

Hide and Seek is a favorite game at our house. Reagan is SO funny. She'll be hiding behind the couch and shout to me, "I'm in the bedroom!" or she'll be hiding in Lincoln's room and say things like, "I'm not in Lincoln's room!"

Another trick she likes to do, is if she thinks your previous hiding place was particularly clever, you can be sure she'll be waiting in the exact same spot her very next turn!

I always get luxury of always hiding with Lincoln, who loves to give me away:)

October 2010

In a shocked voice, “Where’d my bread go!?!!!”…. Realization dawning, “I ate it all gone. See, not on my plate.”

In the bathroom at Walmart, Reagan comments from her stall, “I know I’m taking a long time.” Yes, yes you are. hahaha

Reagan gives me a tutorial while folding laundry, “Woll it (roll it). Woll it like this, kay.”

If Will and I ever have a heated conversation Reagan calmly buts in, “Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Stop! Stop talking.” Then adds sweetly, “You can’t make mommy mad dad.” I love that she’s always on my side, even if I’m the one at fault! Lol

Reagan can be super sensitive. One day I told her that her actions hurt my feelings. She took my face in her hands and kissing each cheek said, “I kiss your feelings.”

Reagan goes around singing all day long, making up songs as she goes. Then she turns to me and asks, “You know that song, mom?” No, no I don’t, hahaha

I love speech impediments! Reagan says her Vs like Bs. Her favorite baby sitter is Ebonne (Yvonne). She says, “berry, berry” (very, very). “Neber!” (never) So cute

R: “Let’s sing the Pumpkin song.”

Me: “I don’t know that song. How does it go?”

R: “Where is Pumpkin? Where is Pumpkin? Here I am, Here I am” LOL (The song is called Where is Thumpkin)

If Reagan doesn’t get her way with people, she turns pretty mean. She loves my mom sooooooo much. But if my mom ever said no to her Reagan would retort with something like this. “Gramma can’t come to our house!” “Gramma can’t sleep in the office.” (where her bedroom was set up).

If I'm having a conversation with any friend she says, "You can't talk!" She hates when she's not the center of attention. This is very frustrating. When I ask her to join the conversation she scrounges for something to say and usually resorts to her classic, shocking, no fail story of, "SNAKE!" (if you don't know what I'm referring to, you must ask me to fill you in, it's pretty intense:) )

While talking about a picture together, I asked Reagan if the women getting water at the well was going to feed the camel. (the camel was positioned behind her). Reagan matter-of-factly stated, “No, she’s stuck. She can’t turn around.” Ah, how literal!

Lately Reagan likes to shorten all words:

Gram (grandma)

Spid (spider)

Diap (diaper)

Peep (peepee)

Port (her friend Porter)

Luckily, I'm her mom, and can decode her new language!

You sit on the couch and do your puter, mom. (computer)

10/10/10

Waving her hand around all of us, "This is a family."

Reagan has recently wanted to "pray myself." Her prayers are so thoughtful and sweet. She usually includes something like this, "grateful mommy, daddy, Yinc, me." awww!

"You're taking so yong." (long)

Reagan loves to sing. These are her top requests: Families (Families Can Be Together Forever), Temple (I love to see the Temple), and Child of God.

While looking through my purse she declared, "Temple Credit Card!" lol

10/7/10

I not like dinner. It not have sugar in it.

When I get big like dad, I go to work, I make money.

Often Reagan goes along singing, singing whatever comes to her mind. Then she turns to me and asks, "You know that song, Mom?"

8/25/10

"Happy Birfday, Mom." After thinking for a moment, "You 2, mommy?"

8/10/10

Reagan says her L's with a Y sound:

"Yincoln"

"You're taking so yong!"

"What do you want for breakfast Reagan?": "Yucky Charms!"

Reagan says words the way she hears them:

TB (TV)

winnow (window)
sert (dessert)

So I've been trying to break words up for her so she can hear them clearly and ask her to repeat me. So today she comes up to me and says: "PIC - NIC, can you say that mom? PIC- NIC" I repeat. "Good job mom, you say that so well!"

"Come here, I show you how to do this. Yup."

6/18/10

When pouring something out, "Just tiny, little bit. I'll be careful."

Reagan's imagination has soared over the last month. I love it! When outside she often gets on her bike and tells me, "Going to Macey’s, kay? You stay here with my baby." And then proceeds to tell me all the essentials: "I get ketchup, and bandaids, and emeal packet (oatmeal packets), um chocolate chips, mac n cheese." You can tell her favorites in life:)

My birfday’s coming up, in a little while.

"I get doggie for my birfday." Me: "But you're scared of dogs." R: "No, I not scared. I get Kitty cat."

After playing with the kids I often lay down and say, "Oh, I'm pooped." With a confused look on her face Reagan asks, "Where the poop go?"

Reagan doesn't quite know how to use the word "don't" yet. So she says things like, "I can’t like this" "I can't like______"

My friend Littia was bring her daughter Ellie over for a play date. Reagan tells me, "I love Ellie so much." And I respond, "I love Ellie so much too!" She tells me, "No you love Littia so much."

"Do you like babysitters Mom?" Me: "Yes." R: "I can’t like babysitters, they make me sad. "

6/16/10

No say no to me mom.
I ask daddy.
Daddy loves me.

Yes. This is funny.

Calling from the living room the kitchen, "Throw it to me mom. Good throw." A move she has seen Will and I do countless times, she wanted to join the fun.

If I'm not looking at her, "I talkin' to you." Oh, sorry.

5/14/10

Putting her little finger up to her lips, "Shhhh, be ky-iet" (quiet)

"Moommmeee, where r oooo?"

5/1/10

Whenever I'm sharing food with Reagan she'll say, "No eat it all mom!" okay sista!

"It makes me mad" sad!

4/23/10

Opening her eyes, mid sentence of saying the dinner prayer, Reagan scolded Lincoln, who was happily stuffing his face, "No eat sasa (lasagna) yet!"

"Stopy doin' that!"

"Sit de lap?"

4/16/10

"I hear something"

If I'm having a conversation she doesn't quite follow she'll say, "What you talking about?"

Viewing the mountains on the drive to CO, "herwe cow!" (holy cow)

3/22/10

"One more, kay?!"

"Come-ear"

3/15/10

As I sneakily try to throw in a triple page turn during bedtime stories in hopes to speed thing along, Reagan immediately exclaims, "WHOOP!" and opens the skipped pages back one by one. She gets me every time!!!!

"Cuddle?"

3/2/10

Reagan is just starting to put sentences together so we are hearing brand new things come out of her mouth that are quite surprising and funny. Today I threw Will his keys and Reagan said, "Nice catch!"

Reagan always asks us what we are doing but lately she's been saying it like this, "Whaaaaat.....what doing?"

Today Reagan said to me, "What doing Grandma?" Hahahaha "I'm not GRANDMA!" I retorted. Laughing she continued, "What doing Jamie!" She is such a tease!

Reagan loves to call people on the phone. If I am on the phone, she insists on saying hi to them. She names people for me to call and tells me she wants to "leave message." Today she told me as she uh-huhed into her toy phone that she was, "talky Savannah."

It's interesting how kids understand things before they have the words to label them. Reagan pointed to a mole on my arm and asked, "What's that?" "A mole," I replied. She immediately rolled up her sleeve and went straight to a mole (that she was obviously aware of) and said, "I have a mole too!" So fun to watch them learn!

2/28/10

"I like you mom!"

"I wanna come with me" (come with you:)

"I wanna go to party"

2/3/10

"I do it so well!"

"So Funny!" or "That's funny!"

Every time knows that are several something and she can count them, she says, "three, four, seven!" she's getting there!

Reagan, like her dad, is a TEASER!!! One of her favorite books is called Planes Say Vroom, which is a book full of pictures of things that move and the sound that goes along with them. Well right after the car accident and being enthralled with the police car and its lights she likes to tell me that every picture (bicycle, helicopter, train, tractor) in that book is in fact a police car. She knows perfectly well what they are but she matter of factly states, "Police Car." If I forget and say otherwise she is quick to say, "no, no! Police Car." When I start calling her a police car she laughs hysterically!

1/30/10

At breakfast, covered in cheese and eggs, Reagan was trying desperately to get a hold of Will's iphone. ("her" new favorite toy, she loves trying to slide the unlock button and has surprised us both that she has mastered it quite well! Kids and technology, blows my mind!) Will told Reagan, "Wash your hands." She places her hands at the top of her pink froggie jammies, slides them slowly down the entire length of them, and proudly pronounces, "ALL CLEAN!"

1/29/10

To describe anything of a large quantity: "OOoooo BIG one!"

When requesting marshmallows, toothpaste, among other things, she'll tell me, "I want BIG one!"

And when the size meets her satisfaction, she delightfully reports, "BIG!"

1/28/10

Throughout the day, Reagan randomly and happily exclaims, "Happy Birfday!" and then as if an afterthought adds, "to you!"

We were in a minor car accident. And seeing as we were all safe, it was actually sort of exciting for Reagan to see the police car's lights and talk about what happened. However now Reagan is scared of the broken car, and doesn't want to have anything to do with getting inside.We were going to drive somewhere and very concerned kept reminding me, "Car stay here, it's broken!" But my favorite is when she told me "Ride bike mom!" HAHAHA and then suggested, "WALK!!!" It took much convincing to get her into the broken car! LOL

1/3/10

"Was at?" (What's that) I need to be better at responding to this incessant inquiry. This question is Reagan's way of discovering and learning about every thing new around her.

Although, I am surprised at how much I'm stumped, or simply don't know how to explain the simple things/noises around us. "Was at?" she asks regarding the slightly random creaks in the house, (man that girl has an ear like bat), noises I don't even pay attention to, like noises from the refrigerator, or other appliances. "I don't know, just a house noise!?!"

Whenever the microwave, dishwasher, oven timer, etc. beep, Reagan yells from across the house, "Done!" or "It's done!!"

12/23/09

All day long, "Mommy doing?" (she's asking me what I'm doing)

"Neena ____" she is saying "need a pen, or need a fill in the blank" or it's simply, "neen it!"

If Reagan isn't allowed to have something she says, "I hold it." Like if she sees a treat and I tell her not now she'll tell me she'll just hold it.

11/26/09

As tradition holds, on Thanksgiving Dinner we went around the table saying what we are thankful for. When we came to Reagan and asked, "What are you thankful for, Reagan?" I wasn't quite sure if she got the question and if she would say anything at all. I was half expecting her sing-songy routine of "Mommy, Daddy, Lincoln, Reagan" but what she uttered instead gave us the greatest laugh of the night.

"Ummm....." she thoughtfully said, "thankful for can-ne." Will and I immediately exploded with laughter, as we were the only ones that understood that by saying "can-ne" Reagan was sincerely expressing her gratitude and love for.....CANDY!

11/20/09

Reagan has been referring to us as "Julie Anne" and "Will" lately!

This is the age when you realize how important your example is because you start seeing yourself played out in them! If Reagan ever finds us laying down she'll cover us with a blanket and say, "Take a nap, kay?" "Stay right here," "Night, night, sleep well!" And it makes you check yourself when you start hearing her say things like, "Get out, right now!" or "Stop it!"

10/31/09

Looking at a picture of Jesus knocking on a door, Reagan says, "Candy?"

Whenever Reagan picks something up she tells us, "I got it!"

When she or someone is leaving:

"Seeya, bye!"

"Have fun!"

"Going to work?" "office?"

10/28/09

As I told Reagan that we were having grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch today (a dish Reagan isn't terribly familiar with since she has shied away from it the few times I've made it), Reagan replied, "oooooo, grilled cheese crackers!" (cheese and crackers is a frequent snack) She continued to call her sandwich this for the remainder of the meal.

10/18/09

Phrases I here all the time:

"He go" (here you go)

R: "Look It!" (when she is doing something amazingly cool, like standing of her tippy toes or balancing in some weird position) Me: "Wow"

proudly, R: "Yeah!"

It took me a while to figure this one out but when Reagan says, "Horsey" she's not meaning the animal, she's thirsty. As she would say, she needs "waus" (water). And she is obessed with ice these days. She wont drink out of her cup if the ice has melted, she holds it up and says, "More Ice!"

The other day during dinner, Reagan walked over to the stairs, and while holding onto the railing, sat down, then leaned her head over her lap so that her arm was way up behind her. After being in that position for a few minutes our attention is turned to her as she worriedly tells us, "stuck!" I immediately got down to help her but Will said, "No, wait get your camera" The fact that this is in the sidebar and not a pictured post tells you I'm not as mean as Will!

10/13/08

I often read to Reagan while I feed Lincoln. The other day as I was reading aloud, Reagan walked out of the room and into her bedroom. I figured I could stop reading but without missing a beat, I hear her call, "READ mommy, Read!" Can't get away with anything with this girl!

I often try to help her with her prayers, otherwise it will be an endless array of gibberish intermixed with words like "Jesus" "mommy" "daddy" "Lincoln" "Harley" (my mom's dog), "clock." When I can tell she getting way of track I assist her a little bit but when I do she hits my arm and says "NO!" (so INDEPENDENT!!) but then immediately repeats what I had prodded her to say! It is so funny!

Me: "that we can feel the spirit..." "NO!" hit my arm, "feel spirit." "that we can be obedient and be happy," "NO!" hit my arm, "be happy."

She is so funny when we pray. We usually kneel around the couch when we have family prayers so Reagan will run head first and dive into it when we call her for prayers! Or she'll bury her head in the couch giggling and call us to pray.

10/12/09

Reagan loves to clean. She loves taking as many wipes/napkins as she can get her little hands on and scrub/wipe down everything. When you ask her what she is doing she says, "I keen up."

Last night as Will, Reagan, and I laid together on the bed Reagan had loads of fun looking at me and pointing to her daddy telling me, "MY daddy!!" I would snuggle closer to Will and she would laugh hysterically, wiggling her little body between us, declaring again, "No, MY daddy!" I would give Will a kiss and Reagan, giggling, would and lean over and give Will a big old kiss too. "Not yours mommy, MY daddy!" This game went on for quite a while. Reagan thought this was the funniest thing but I knew who was secretly enjoying it most! ;)

Reagan is the most polite little girl, I love it. What is cuter that a little voice saying, "Thank you!" Without even being prodded she says, "Thank you, Mommy" or "Thank you, Daddy." Or "more please" "milk please" etc. It is simply darling. But my favorite is her "welcome!" Whenever we give her a compliment like "You are so cute," or "We love you Reagan," she responds, "Welcome!"

A while ago I figured out whenever Reagan said, "apple" (sounding more like ap-poo) she was asking for help. I knew that was what she meant because it was always when she wanted help but I could not figure out where she got the word apple from. I told this to Will too, "Why does Reagan say 'apple' when she wants help?" Well yesterday I finally figured it out and I was the one who felt stupid. Reagan dutifully asked dad for "apple" to put her shoes on and I said, "Oh you want daddy to help you?" "Yes, ap poo" HELP YOU!!!! I realized that as adults who talk so fast and slur together phrases they often sound like one word to kids. Help you was simply, "apoo."

Reagan has begun to decipher between when she uses the words "mine" and "yours." Watching a child learn a language and see them learn the usage of complicated tenses/pronouns is like watching a miracle unfold, I guess that's because it is!

9/28/09

Whenever Reagan wants to be held she says, "Hold you." Sounds more like, "hole shew"

What I hear daily from Reagan's crib, "GOUT!" (get out)

Reagan loves meal time, not that she eats a ton of the food, but she loves this time together, so do I! She always calls Will to pray, "PAY!!!" "Pay daddy!!!" She is awesome at folding her arms and being reverent during prayers, even long ones. She does have a move though, where she keeps her arms folded but with one arm grabs her milk and takes a sip from the straw and sets it right back down and rests her arm again. The other night at the dinner table, Will had gotten up for some reason and Reagan ordered: "Daddy come!" and pointing to his food, told him, "Eat food!" She says "come" a lot!! If she wants to follow us somewhere like into a room or down stairs she simply declares, "Come!"

It's amazing how versatile a word can be when you're working with a limited vocabulary. Reagan has known the word "stuck"

for a long time and I am always amazed at how well it fits in the many ways Reagan finds to use it. "stuck" (can't open the door), "stuck" (trying to open a lid), "stuck" (can't get out of somewhere/something wont fit/wont come off/putting clothes on...on and on)

Reagan opened up her scriptures and calmly, slowly, and as if reading, said, "Yea..." A word frequently used in the Book of Mormon. I laughed so hard. At least she's picking up on something!

9/25/09

Reagan's absolute FAVORITE story to tell. Which she does quite often to any listening ear. (obviously this event imprinted on her!)

"SNAKE!!!!!........(long pause for greater effect).....in the house!" "Yeah, snake house!"

"Daddy cut"

She brings this story up anytime she wants attention because she LOVES the reaction it brings. She gets the biggest smile on her face and continues to tell her short little version three or four more times.

She also likes to bring this story up when she knows she's in trouble, in hopes to make her parents crack a smile and forget that she did anything wrong. Silly little girl!

After switching on the light switch and nothing happening Reagan reported, "Broken!"

Me: "oh is it broken?"

R: "yeah, broken." and stated the needed solution matter-of-factly, "Batteries!"

Throughout the day:

R: "Daddy work?"

Me: "Yup, Daddy is at work"

R: "buh bye daddy"

Much to my dismay, Reagan's favorite words: "Stop it!" "Mine!"

I love to watch Reagan on the video monitor reading her books as she falls asleep. One day I hear her loudly exclaim, "Ribbit, ribbit" and shoot her hand high in the air. I chuckled as I realized she must have seen a picture of a frog.

Me: "Reagan where is (fill in the blank)" (shoes, horse, you name it)

R: "no" (I don't know) "Buh bye"

Me: "oh did the shoes go buh bye"

R: "Yeah, buh bye shoes"

Lincoln was fussing, so Reagan told me, "nap!" (she's picking up on my over control on napping! hahah)

Whenever Lincoln is sleeping Reagan repeatedly tells me, "Lincoln seepom" And as soon as she hears the slightest noise coming from his room she yells, "WAKE!!!" and bolts to his crib where she proceeds to climb into his crib, steal his blanket and pacifier, stand over him or jump around him and wait for me to come get them.